I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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