I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
My hand turned me down
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
