what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
