dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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