i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
