Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
