I hate your face
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize