JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
