waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize