Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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