my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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