The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
