I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize