In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She's the barista slut.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
