Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
