haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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