i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
