yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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