Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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