im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
