All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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