The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
