It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
