You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
