I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
