She said her name was "party"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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