margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
