Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
