she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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