tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
