Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
