I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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