So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
