remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
