if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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