is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
