Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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