now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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