i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
