Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
