ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
