why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
third nipple confirmed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
