What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
