I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
