If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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