i just sent this text using only my big toe
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
