i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
