Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
