I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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