This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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