Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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