Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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