I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
