Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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