I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
