I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
