$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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