Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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