Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
