At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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