How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
