My friends, they love my intelligence
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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