i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
