What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
