don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
