I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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