Well douche your snatch and let's go!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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